We're back at last! And not a moment too soon. I thought I was going to melt in the face of so much terrible summer television. Let's kick things off with five important lessons from the season 4 premiere of Parks and Recreation.
1. You can't run away from your problems...especially if you have only nine toes.

2. L-Shaped chocolate eclairs lead to insta-sex.

3. Always keep a bag of provisions stashed away in a ventilation shaft in case terrifying ex-wives return.

4. "Anne, you beautiful naive sophisticated new-born baby."

5. You don't need to find Patricia Clarkson, she'll find you.

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